life isn't a fairy tale

I want this, I want that.. I may have a long list of wishlist in my life. I want to have my own happy ending story. Yeah, we were told so many fairy tales when we're little, Cinderela, snow white, beauty and the beast, you named it. Or maybe some of happy ending Hollywood movies. I don't think about fairy tale like Cinderela etc. I don't like it, since it just gives a false hope. I just remember, long time ago, someone told me, that I expected a Cinderela story, a prince of charming with his white horse. Ough.. that's must be Pangeran Diponegoro.. No, he's wrong. really I'm not expecting a prince of charming with his white horse.

May be I'm just thinking about everlasting love, that someone really loves me, care about me and never cheated on me. Of course, understand me and accept me as who i am. Is that a fairy tale? May be. There are so many things happened in my life and having known someone else, listening their story may change my perspective a bit and makes me question everything. Cheating, having affairs with someone else may  already become a public secret. Life isn't black and white. A couple who already got married for more than 10 years may be break-up. So yeah, definitely life isn't a fairy tale. No wonder I've doubts and worry bout future. The future is unpredictable and again human is full of controversy. and yeah, may be happy ending story just in the movie, coz it's finish within 2 hours.

I am expecting a person do something like this and that. I am expecting other people to understand me. But that's only existed in my dream. Just waiting and waiting doesn't make it come true, rite? Sometimes I am just waiting a miracle, so I can get over from what I already did, I messed up my life. but yeah, how messed-up our life, in the end we'll know that we'll be okay. we just need courage to make it better. Sometimes I am questioning myself, am I brave enough to jump?

am I the problem?

someone told me that I'm too egoist, yes I am.
Someone told me that I'm too stupid to realize that he really love me. Am I?
May be I'm just too naive, so it's easy for me to get lost.
I realized life is so complicated, even though I want to see it in the simple way.
It's easy to accuse someone when something wrong happens.
Ya, kita butuh kambing hitam, yang bisa disalahkan ketika segala sesuatu tak sesuai dengan yang diharapkan, yang bisa disalahkan akan setiap kejadian.
Kadang kita memposisikan diri kita sebagai korban, bukan sebagai pelaku yang juga turut ambil bagian. Mungkin memang lebih enak memposisikan diri sebagai korban, bisa mendapatkan simpati dengan lebih mudah. bisa lebih mudah mendapatkan pendukung. and the question is, am I the problem? am I the victim?

for me, every single thing that happens in our life, give impact for the way we behave, we think, etc, etc..
ketika berpikir dari kacamata kita, tentu saja semuanya terlihat benar. dan mungkin tidak ketika orang lain melihatnya. namun mungkin ketika kita mengajak orang lain melihat dari kacamata kita, memakai sepatu kita, tentu akan beda lagi pendapatnya. bisa jadi orang tersebut kemudian menjadi pendukungmu nomor satu.

ketika berada di sebuah titik yang kabur, tak tahu kemana harus melangkah. entah harus melangkah atau tetap bertahan atau justru mundur? There are so many options in our life. Maybe life itself is a gamble. I don't know, what i know is, no mater how hard it is, in the end, we'll know that we'll be okay. No matter how hard, sad, or painful it is.


ketika sedih datang begitu hebatnya

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i'll update next time